Until one day… the call started knocking on my heart again. I tried for several weeks to ignore the call. Well, I didn’t really ignore it, I just made excuses to keep from doing what I knew God called me to do. I lied to myself mostly. I told myself that a "good mom" wouldn’t take time away from her kids. Choir practice and all the responsibilities that go with leading worship would take too much time away from the boys and David. But like I said…it was a lie. I put my family before everything…even God. But still, I couldn’t shake ‘the call’.
It seemed like every time Pastor preached a sermon, or taught a Sunday School lesson it was all about me. Now, I knew that Pastor wasn’t intentionally ‘speaking to me’, but God was using him to get to me. After a few Sundays, everything started sinking in and I knew I couldn’t keep going the same way. I started praying, my husband started praying. It was the first time I was completely honest with him and myself. I told him everything. Up until this point the didn’t know I felt a call to the choir. I don’t know why but I expected him to be shocked and maybe even tell me I couldn’t direct the choir. I couldn’t read music, couldn’t play an instrument, and I didn’t know one thing about directing a choir. But he didn’t. He was so understanding and supportive. He told me that if God called me then He would make a way. He promised he’d be praying for me.
So after a couple of weeks of prayer and fasting, I made an appointment with the Pastor. The closer the appointment time came, the more nervous I became. The devil tried everything to get me to cancel and change my mind. But I was tired of living out of God’s will.
I remember the day I was to meet with Brother Dallas. It was pouring rain. There was a tornado warning/watch all morning, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. All week I tried to come up with a good speech of how to say all that I wanted to say but I just couldn’t get my thoughts together. Finally I just decided to spit it all out however it came and hope that it made sense. And that’s just what I did. Pastor seemed very excited and very happy that I was ready.
So over the next several weeks I began to prepare myself. I began reading my bible and praying more. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But still, I had to fight Satan. Still he tried to get me to back out and to give up. I'll be really honest...it was pretty tempting, but I knew that if my God called me, then He would make a way. He would equip me, He would send the right people into my life to teach me.
It's been a couple of months since that meeting with Pastor. I'm happy to say that I'm on my way to be the full time worship leader at my church. In time, I will also be the choir director. I've been leading the worship service for the past few weeks on Sunday nights, and in July I'll have my first Sunday morning service. It's so exciting. Still scary, but I know I'm doing what God has called me to do.
Please keep me in your prayers as I learn and grow.